he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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