Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
