I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Randomize
