The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
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