Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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