Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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