I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
