I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
