you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
