Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
