I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
