I wanna passion pit in your ass
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
