Someone shit on the floor
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
