Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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