Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
