So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
