What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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