you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
