just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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