just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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