the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
