So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
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