there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
