five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
