So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize
