I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
