my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
