rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
