my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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