Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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