from now on my penis is your penis
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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