just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
