Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
