Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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