And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Randomize
