I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
