You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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