Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
