Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
