how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
