I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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