Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
