you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
