Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
