Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
