I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
