I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
You're like the curious george of whores
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
