oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
