we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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