i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
