I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
