sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
now i know why i became what i already was.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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